Feminist or MRA: You're Either Both or You're Neither

*sigh*

Part of me hesitated to write my previous blog posts on empathy and the anecdote relating to the folly of victim-blaming because it would invite an audience. But, discussing actual ideas and happenings outside of myself is much more satisfying in terms of writing, so I couldn't help myself. So I guess I can only blame myself for this.

I am always open to critique of my ideas, but this at first glance just seemed like an incoherent tirade. I had to read it six or seven times and then put it in the context of the entire website to parse out what exactly the thesis was. Most of the critiques were just a result of reading my writing with blinders on. Any legitimate arguments he may have had weren't couched in any citations to outside sources, though they may have been worth discussing if we were on the same page.

But we're obviously not on the same page.

I think the primary meltdown in communication happened when he assumed A.) I am a feminist and B.) that I am against men's rights. But if A is true, then B cannot be true. If B is true, then A cannot be true.

Let me begin by clarifying what feminism is: it is about the push for equal rights for women. Not, as it is often misinterpreted, the domination of women over men, but rather, their equality to each other. This fundamental misunderstanding that causes many people to be unwilling to call themselves "The F-Word" even though many of their beliefs and values may be in line with what feminism teaches.

Another thing a lot of people don't understand about feminism is that it's not a static ideology, but rather an ongoing discussion. There are a lot of things even educated, passionate feminists disagree on. One of my favorite things about my first women's studies professor was that when I voiced disagreement with the concept she was teaching (which I did a lot), she often said, "Yes, it's super problematic." She was always willing to address the fact that there were these ongoing disagreements about the best ways to achieve gender equality. (Example: Feminists have a hard time agreeing on whether to be pro- or anti-porn.) Even though I was not satisfied with certain theories and beliefs, there was always room within the movement for me to disagree, and therefore help to shape the movement. That said, it's important to remember, when talking about feminism, that not all feminists believe the same thing.

Now, that said, I don't usually call myself a feminist. Not because I think it's a "bad word," but because I don't think the word accurately reflects my ideals. Third-wave feminism tries to make the argument that feminism should also be about fighting racism, classism, and all sorts of other -isms. While the goal is noble, I think feminism's reach has exceeded its grasp in this respect. I believe that feminism can really only address gender issues. Trying to do much else with it just leads to undue confusion. I've seen a lot of people even within #YesAllWomen who have used the word "equalist" to describe themselves, and I think it'd be more accurate to say I fall in that camp.

As I alluded to before, I have my fair share of scruples with feminists, especially with the misandrists I've seen on #YesAllWomen masquerading as feminist crusaders. Of course, the moment I challenge these so-called feminists, the assumption they make is that I am a misogynist or otherwise anti-feminist. Which of course is not the case. I just think that feminists who are also misandrists should not be calling themselves feminists at all, as they tend to have a very skewed perception of what "equality" means.

I even had a debate with an older feminist who argued that "Misandry is like reverse racism: It doesn't exist. The oppressed cannot oppress the master." Her argument was that since misandry is not systemic the way it is for misogyny and racism, it does not exist. But I beg to differ: misandry can still exist and is still a relevant problem on an individual level, and in certain aspects of society, it does exist systemically. Just because it is not oppressive to the degree that misogyny is, does not mean that we should dismiss it as a non-issue. If we want to create true equality, we must make sure we don't create inequality in the process.

Now, let's talk about Men's Rights Activists (MRA). They have been getting a LOT of bad PR since the UCSB rampage, but even still I have always sympathized with the movement. I suppose you could call me a MRA apologist.

The problem seems to be two-fold. First, feminists (especially radical feminists misandrists) are unwilling to acknowledge men's legitimate grievances. Second, MRAs fail to recognize that feminism does in fact have their interests in mind already.

So first, let's look at what I mean by men's legitimate grievances:
"The list of grievances for MRAs is long. It includes the elevated rate of suicide for men, educational discrimination against boys, economic and workplace conditions for men, violence against men, false rape reporting, fathers’ rights in custody battles, rates of male imprisonment and prison conditions, and the horrors of war." - JACLYN FRIEDMAN

A feminist who is unwilling to acknowledge that men can experience injustices and oppression can hardly call him/herself a champion of equality. Though feminists have fought for women to be able to serve in the military alongside men, you can hardly call this equality when men can be forced into the service at any time. And though women have fought hard to be included in educational institutions, you can hardly call this equality when more and more boys are being diagnosed with ADHD and sedated in school, and their graduation rates are stagnant when compares with girls. Personally, I find it unsettling how more and more popular media is inclined toward portraying male protagonists as utter buffoons. All these issues merit intellectual discussion and investigation.

But let's move on to the next part of the above-mentioned quote:
"Many of these issues deserve a thoughtful response and the force of an organized movement for address them. It’s too bad that’s not what men’s rights activists are offering." - JACLYN FRIEDMAN

You know where I learned about a lot of those men's issues? It wasn't from MRA groups. It was from Women's Studies classes in college, specifically Masculine Studies. Though much of the theories are couched in feminist jargon, it is a field of study that does bring up a lot of these issues. The feminists who discuss these issues don't just talk about them, but are true activists for change, in the better interest of women and men. For instance, feminist activists influenced the change in the FBI's definition of rape to include instances of rape that affected men and boys. Feminist analysis also enables a balanced examination of father's rights and offers solutions that are not hinged on blaming men or women for systemic problems. For MRAs to ignore the merits of feminism is to deny a powerful ally.

Despite the nauseating amount of misogyny and misandry from both sides of the aisle amidst the whole #YesAllWomen trend, feminism and the men's rights movement have the same end goal: gender equality. It is the responsibility of feminists and MRAs to keep the bigotry within their camp in check, as it only serves to hurt the cause. Anyone who identifies solely as feminist, or solely as a MRA, is someone I hold in deep suspicion. If you're incapable of seeing the overlap in the goals and importance of each movement's views, you're doing your preferred movement a disservice.

Personally, I would rather be called an equalist than either a feminist or MRA. But if you must call me a feminist, you must also call me a MRA, because both are equally true.