Today was a bit better than yesterday. I actually got those photos done, posted the new customs, and even got an Ebay sale. I did this pretty early on so I at least felt more productive, like suddenly this small move forward justified spending most of the day consuming half the internet. Fewer thoughts of worthlessness today; still there, but now muted.
Had a hard time getting up this morning, but only because my dreams offered more comfort than I expected from the day ahead. Indulged in the guilty pleasure of others' companionship in my dreamscape, though it was not without a friend in my head there reminding me that I should be ashamed. A reminder of my chronic loneliness of late.
Relaxed with whole family in living room this evening, an unusual treat, since the S.O. usually avoids any and all interactions with everyone else. Stress over money is starting to seep in already. Not sure if what we have will last through the semester, and not sure how well we'll be able to get by with the complications I've encountered with my government assistance. I wish desperately that I didn't have to rely on these things. Desperately. I haven't even looked for a job for the last five or six months. The number of rejection emails I get is just too demoralizing to stomach, and besides, I'm not going to be able to find a job I'm as passionate about as the one I had before.
I just try not to think about it.
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