I decided last night try something new. If I couldn't set goals for myself to keep motivated, maybe it would help if someone else set them for me. So I asked my S.O. to give me a small "assignment" for the day. If I had to answer to him, and if I was doing it to make someone else happy rather than myself, perhaps I would be more motivated to do it. After explaining the idea, he assigned me to clean up some garbage in front of the house that had been sitting there forever. If I could do that, also take care of another couple things in the yard. No pressure.
In order to get myself to do any of those things, I first had to sleep enough, get up on time, probably eat breakfast so I would keep getting up on time for other assignments, take a shower so I would feel decent enough to step outside, get dressed, and all during this, get the baby ready to go outside and make sure his needs were met. The assignment was simple, but it forced me to do other things, too. Which I did manage to do. I did not have self-loathing thoughts all through the day, though I did struggle to get up at first a bit. I found having the assignment was a more effective motivating force.
By the time I had gotten myself ready for the tasks at hand, it was about noon. I was playing a little computer games between tasks, but at this point got a little tied up working on a project with faction members. By the time we were done it was about 5 PM and S.O. was home. He said nothing about the tasks not being done, but he was not feeling well anyway. After the baby woke up from his nap, I took him out and cleaned up the front yard while he played. Though I did not get to the other two tasks assigned, I moved on to other small tasks that weren't assigned, but were related and I knew needed to be done. I took out the trash in the nursery and bathroom, and filled a hole in the yard that everyone kept stepping in since we moved here. I swept the porch, set up an outside garbage can, and played with the baby a bit. It wasn't too hot out, but by the time my mom got home I was tired and hungry, and a little sunburned. After dinner, I put the baby down and played my computer game all night, but didn't feel shitty about it because I had gotten a lot done, albeit small tasks. Going to bed late again, not feeling very tired, but I think I'll be okay.
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